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Suicidal From the Head Pain

12/06/2010

“I want to die” is something almost all migraineures are guilty of saying.  Although we say this, how many of us have every thought “I want to kill myself” and truly meant it?

One night, after my triptian was not working and I had taken enough codeine to kill a small horse, I honestly thought about it.  I thought to myself, I can end it all now, it will be quick, no more pain. uckily I am smart enough to ring a friend when I feel like this.  Someone to come over and just sit with me while I try to sleep so that I cannot harm myself.  I do not really want to die.  I am not the only migranieure to think like this.

Sadly not everyone has a friend to ring.  After the hospitals send them away and accuse them of being “druggies” who are just after a fix, they do not know where to turn and they end their life. I spoke with family and friends and out of the twenty people I spoke with, only one has never thought about suicide.  Although this was not a medical study and it was not formal, it was still a study.  Almost everyone wanted to die because they were in so much pain. Since the age of five, I can remember being blessed with these migraines.

Migraine

The first really bad one was when I was eight.  I remember it was in third grade, my mother was going in for surgery and I was nervous.  I was so worked up I developed a severe migraine.  My teacher was very nice about it and she let me sit on her lap and she kept putting cold towels on my face and the back of my neck however, she did not think I was as sick as I really was.  I lost vision in my left eye.  I was nauseous.  I was not able to speak properly.  What a terrible feeling for an eight year old to have. I am aware that my nephew developed migraines, his mother, my sister gets the as well.  He takes the same drug I take.  Sumatriptan.  He was around eight when he started getting them also.

A child drew this, this is how they feel about their migraines

All I can suggest here is, parents, when you child says they have a headache, take them seriously, get it checked into.  If there is a history of migraines, make sure the doctor doesn’t suggest that the child just needs glasses (that is what they always do). I do not want people to think that I will honestly harm myself, I am smarter than that.  This is a site to post my feelings as well as facts about things.  My feeling is, migraines are horrible.  The fact is, they are.

Old painting of what a migraine is

When they are at their worst for me, I loose vision in an eye usually.  Typically the side of my face the migraine is on is the side I loose my vision in.  My face also swells on that side and my eye droops.  I cannot smell anything, the smell actually makes my head pound.  I slur my words, get accused of being drunk.  Some people laugh, clearly they do not know me, people who know me, grab for some nurofen plus (it is like Advil with codeine in it) to give me.  Ice packs around my head and neck work wonders, heat makes me sicker.  Massages also help.  Sometimes, as gross as this sounds, when I feel nauseous but am not vomiting, I gag myself so that I do vomit and that makes my head hurt less.

What do you do for comfort?  How do your friends and family react when you have to cancel plans or when you say you are getting a migraine?  I really would like to know.

Be well.

Be Well Brain Cell

Salutations…

12/06/2010

Greetings.  I am happy you have chosen to read my blog.  As this is my first time blogging here I will introduce myself and tell you a wee bit about what I plan to do here.

My name is Heather, I am thirty-two years old and I suffer from chronic migraines.

me

me

I currently live in Australia but I grew up in New England.  I am one of ten children.  Most of my siblings get migraines.  Their children get them as well.  I have friend and extended family who also get them.  I plan to use this blog to vent, share information, share relief ideas, and sob stories.  I would like people to comment, I invite you to please!  The more information we share, the more likely we are to feel better somehow.  In my spare time I have been reading up on some health issues.  Disabilities, where they come from, psychology, mental illness.  I will share as much information as I can with everyone.

I will close now, I am going to begin to write about my first topic.  Be well.