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Suicidal From the Head Pain


“I want to die” is something almost all migraineures are guilty of saying.  Although we say this, how many of us have every thought “I want to kill myself” and truly meant it?

One night, after my triptian was not working and I had taken enough codeine to kill a small horse, I honestly thought about it.  I thought to myself, I can end it all now, it will be quick, no more pain. uckily I am smart enough to ring a friend when I feel like this.  Someone to come over and just sit with me while I try to sleep so that I cannot harm myself.  I do not really want to die.  I am not the only migranieure to think like this.

Sadly not everyone has a friend to ring.  After the hospitals send them away and accuse them of being “druggies” who are just after a fix, they do not know where to turn and they end their life. I spoke with family and friends and out of the twenty people I spoke with, only one has never thought about suicide.  Although this was not a medical study and it was not formal, it was still a study.  Almost everyone wanted to die because they were in so much pain. Since the age of five, I can remember being blessed with these migraines.


The first really bad one was when I was eight.  I remember it was in third grade, my mother was going in for surgery and I was nervous.  I was so worked up I developed a severe migraine.  My teacher was very nice about it and she let me sit on her lap and she kept putting cold towels on my face and the back of my neck however, she did not think I was as sick as I really was.  I lost vision in my left eye.  I was nauseous.  I was not able to speak properly.  What a terrible feeling for an eight year old to have. I am aware that my nephew developed migraines, his mother, my sister gets the as well.  He takes the same drug I take.  Sumatriptan.  He was around eight when he started getting them also.

A child drew this, this is how they feel about their migraines

All I can suggest here is, parents, when you child says they have a headache, take them seriously, get it checked into.  If there is a history of migraines, make sure the doctor doesn’t suggest that the child just needs glasses (that is what they always do). I do not want people to think that I will honestly harm myself, I am smarter than that.  This is a site to post my feelings as well as facts about things.  My feeling is, migraines are horrible.  The fact is, they are.

Old painting of what a migraine is

When they are at their worst for me, I loose vision in an eye usually.  Typically the side of my face the migraine is on is the side I loose my vision in.  My face also swells on that side and my eye droops.  I cannot smell anything, the smell actually makes my head pound.  I slur my words, get accused of being drunk.  Some people laugh, clearly they do not know me, people who know me, grab for some nurofen plus (it is like Advil with codeine in it) to give me.  Ice packs around my head and neck work wonders, heat makes me sicker.  Massages also help.  Sometimes, as gross as this sounds, when I feel nauseous but am not vomiting, I gag myself so that I do vomit and that makes my head hurt less.

What do you do for comfort?  How do your friends and family react when you have to cancel plans or when you say you are getting a migraine?  I really would like to know.

Be well.

Be Well Brain Cell

2 Comments leave one →
  1. 12/06/2010 02:10

    Great idea for a blog. I hope it becomes a gathering place for people with suggestions and ideas for a cure for this. I get headaches as well, they are not as bad as you describe. I am lucky in that aspect. Just yesterday I went to an acupuncture treatment and I can feel some improvement. It will more than likely take more than one treatment, but the gentleman thinks 2 should probably do it.
    A question that I have is do smells trigger your headaches? I am very sensitive to smells. Great job on your debut blog post, I like the header it is visually pleasing.

    • 12/06/2010 02:40

      Ah yeah, I forgot to mention smells. LOL…I have one now and those other symptoms are what I have, not smell tonight, thank goodness.

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